An Era Error intern was smuggled through Japan's strict COVID restrictions to infiltrate Universal Studios Osaka and report on the currently closed Super Nintendo World first hand.
Nintendo first announced a partnership with Universal in 2015 to open a Nintendo themed precinct at their Osaka park, with plans to launch alongside the 2020 Japanese Olympics. Unfortunately COVID occurred - along with a bunch of other horrible crap - that postponed proceedings until later in 2021, upsetting man-babies world wide.
Super Nintendo World is yet another one of our human rights taken away under the guise of COVID-19, and EraError.com is disgusted. So much so, that we decided to shove our latest lemming intern inside an Xbox Series X...box, to smuggle him all the way to Japan, where he was received at Universal Osaka and presumed to be the first Xbox ever opened in the country. All of this, just so you can receive the most detailed report on the park the internet has to offer.
Intern #72 details has reported back his findings via a Wii Chat message below.
"Next time I'm shipped off in an Xbox overseas, can I please have my inhaler?" EDITORS NOTE: No. "Luckily no one cared to open the Xbox and I was thrown out the back of the 1UP Factory (merchandising store) to be discarded. As soon as the workers finished their shift, my fun began."
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| "We're really going to crack Japan this time!" - Microsoft |
"The 1UP factory is every Nintendo fan's wet dream, with over-priced branded garbage in abundance. I took particular attention to the mushroom section which had a diverse range of flavours. I first divulged with a purple Mushroom. Unfortunately nothing seemed to happen, so I also indulged with a red mushroom, which girthed me considerably at an instance."
"When I walked outside the store, I noticed that Princess Peach loved what she saw. Awkwardly at the same time I could also see Daisy, Rosalina and even Pauline salivating at the mouth while eyeing me up and down. Unfortunately I didn't have time to partake in their desires. I had my duty with EraError.com to report on the park and report on the park I would."
"I jumped on top of the next available Bullet Bill to Bowser's Castle which unfortunately scorned my skin from it's burning hot exterior — don't let the princesses know! Things continued to escalate, as the interior was a live Mario Kart track. I wasted no time, screeching away in a kart and mercilessly lobbed the first item I received at my competitors. To my surprise, the Bob-omb blew up most of the castle, resulting in NUMEROUS casualties, but left me victorious which justified the means."
"Next door was Yoshi's Adventure — a section dedicated for younger children. It must've been malfunctioning as I was nearly crushed by a herd of giant, rampaging Yoshi! If it weren't for Waluigi, who was innocuously hanging out behind the bushes at the time and reached out to save me, I'd be splattered everywhere like the 100 or so expendable Toads that I exploded in the last area. Although in shock, Waluigi caringly took me back to his minus world home to check on my well being"
"Wario joined Waluigi in minus world. They tried to calm me down by letting me try an unreleased Mario Party mini game, that required inserting as many golden coins as possible into an extremely small, elastic sock. If I beat the record, I'd win a Power Star. I won easily, of course. Although a little smaller than I was expecting, it sent a euphoric, electric-like sensation through my body, just as I expected a power star would!"
"The dubious two wanted me to try another mini-game, but I was bored and saw the lanky versions of Mario and Luigi hanging over at World 1-3, so I rushed over to cut some shapes with them. Little did I know, those lunatics were trying to trigger some POW blocks that would kill everything in Super Nintendo World. I couldn't allow that to happen, so I pulled out my NES Zapper and took matters into my own hands."
"Now I'm currently hiding out in Peach's castle, trying to escape through a painting to no avail. Can someone at Era Error show me some support here? A Luma is suggesting I shoot my way out of this nightmare and escape the country via a Launch Star in the Good Egg Galaxy. I think I'm going to do it!"
It's common knowledge that Nintendo power-ups are some of the most potent narcotics in existence — you're clearly hallucinating from all of the Super Mushrooms and Power Stars that you decided to consume on your own accord. None of that actually happened.
Unfortunately employees need to at least be an editor to consume drugs while working for Era Error. Due to #072's indiscretions, he's no longer associated with the company. We wish him luck finding his way home without any funds or documentation.
UPDATE:
Well I'll be.
