Drawing inspiration from the Entertainment Software Association's recommended list of games for women, we've decided to compile our own list.
The Entertainment Software Association (ESA) — the conglomerate behind the infamous E3 expo — has rightfully come under immense fire in recent years. From Doxxing journalists attending the show (twice) to a decreasing relevance in the gaming industry and a bunch of other negligent acts, the ESA's days seemingly appear numbered.
Another dubious action can be added to the ESA's rap sheet today, as the association decided to tweet a strange article that compiled a questionable list of games that would be appropriate for women (it was just a little condescending).
As a diverse company consisting entirely of filthy, entitled white males who's biggest struggle right now is to wear a damn mask (we got you Karen), we thought the ESA's idea was incredible and decided to embark on our own list of games that exclusively catered to women. Get the lip gloss out of your hand bags, these titles are going to be glamorous!
10. Dead Or Alive: Extreme Beach Volleyball
Women will love seeing fit, attractive, voluptuous females kick each other's butt in fierce competition with the beautiful backdrop of beaches from across the planet. The ultimate motivation to workout for that hot, summer body!
9. BMX XXX
The plentiful unlockable videos of strippers performing erotically will empower women to practice their own dances. It's also perfect for nudists who want to embrace a bra free lifestyle over the top of some virtual handlebars.
8. Leisure Suit Larry: Wet Dreams Don't Dry
Ever wondered how to pick up the perfect man? Leisure Suit Larry will teach women a complete understanding of the lewdness that dwells inside of every male's psyche. What gal wouldn't want that????
7. Sesame Street: Get Set To Learn!
6. Duke Nukem Forever
See how long you can live in the shoes of the most testosterone driven male in virtual existence. Maybe you could aspire to be one of the Holsom twins!
5. Barbie (NES)
I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. Life in plastic, it's fantastic.You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere. Imagination, life is your creation. Come on, Barbie, let's go party.
4. Bratz: Girlz Really Rock — The Game
That's right, Girlz really do rock! Bratz is not just exclusive to children, as women of all ages can comfortably join in on the fun.
3. GTA: San Andreas Hot Coffee Mission
It
takes a little bit of computer expertise — Maybe your brother or father
can help you — but once you get the hidden mission running, you'll gain all the benefits of low-poly prostitution. An incredibly empowering tool.
2. Pornhub Live Cams
Play
mind games and see if you can have a same-sex fling online without
paying too much money. You could even broadcast the encounters live on
your own Twitch channel to increase your viewership!
1. コイカツ！ / Koikatsu Party
Learn how to be the perfect Waifu in this wonderful 'romance' simulator. The video game industry's ultimate gift to women.
***
Every person in the video game industry — whether it be the money sucking CEO's, the strangled developers or the self entitled gamers — should leave their heads held high when looking back at this list (and especially the one tweeted by the ESA). Diversity and inclusion has clearly reached a point where we no longer need to try and improve the environment for minorities and women. All the problems have been solved. The 1950's sure are a great time to be alive!
