Sony has slowly trickled out information regarding the upcoming Playstation 5 this year. Beginning with the revelation of a new but familiar logo, to painfully detailing the breakdown of the system's internals, momentum has stumbled towards a full reveal of the system in the coming months.
Recently the company took another step towards PS5 transparency, revealing the system's new DualSense controller to an arguably mixed response towards its aesthetics. Not completely content with the reaction, Sony strangely decided to gauge the opinion of its consumers via a poll on the Playstation website, which provided a stern and unanimous — yet unexpected — answer.
The results were all that Sony's executives needed to back-flip from its previous PS5 controller design, opting to return to an impractical, futuristic prototype created for the PS3 back in 2005.
"The corporate world takes data accrued via throw-away internet polls very seriously as they're the most accurate way to perceive real opinion on news and products." Said Sony's Mark Cerny.
"When someone on the internet sees a poll or user review portal, that person is required by moral law to recount their response with honesty, integrity and respect. I've yet to witness a congregation of users abuse their sacred power by review bombing products, giving stupid answers just because it was funny or brutally harassing others with differing opinions because gamers are better than that. Although I'm as surprised as you are to the results of the poll, I have no doubt it is legitimate."
"Sure, gamers laughed and ridiculed the PlayStation brand because the PS3's prototype controller looked absolutely fucking stupid and was counter intuitive, but society has seen incredible changes in opinion over the past 15 years. If players are that passionate about the boomerang design making a return, we'll happily facilitate that."
"From the ridiculous dual stick placements, all the way to the cramping shoulder buttons and wrist grips, the boomerang controller is as painfully authentic as its original PS3 rendition. We even gained permission from Australian Aboriginal elders to ensure our boomerang design is respectful to their culture by ensuring that it contains the same attributes of a regular boomerang — particularly the ability to crack the skull of an imminent threat."
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| Be careful where you throw the PS5 Boomerang™ controller during a gaming tantrum. |
Information on how Sony plans to cram all of the extra technology from the already redundant DualSense™ into the Boomerang™ will be revealed in the coming months, along with more details on the system itself. We're hoping for a return of the George Forman Grill styled chassis and another back-flip in favour of the Spiderman (1999) font.
