Irritating and much maligned video game character Bubsy the Bobcat has detailed his experience appearing in the trainwreck feature film 'Cats' which bombed horribly at the box office.
Bubsy rose to prominence in the early 90's, where he starred as a Super Mario Bros and Sonic The Hedgehog clone in a series of platform games for the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo. Although seeing moderate critical and retail success with the first title, the series' reputation would squander further into oblivion with each successor, culminating in what some consider the worst game of all time — Bubsy 3D (PS1).
After hitting rock bottom, Bubsy disappeared from the limelight for over two decades, spiraling into a cliché fall from grace; turning to drugs, alcohol and stray street cat whores with what little money he had left.
It wasn't until some idiot developer looking to reboot a redundant IP saved the near dead feline, resuscitating his life and career with another cash grabbing mediocre title which was also panned by users and critics.
Whether it was a case of fate or luck, the opportunity was enough for Bubsy to clean up his act, resulting in yet another moronic developer deciding to give his franchise a crack. This time the more than competent Choice Provisions.
Bubsy was now back to his best — it just so happened to be still pretty damn fucking shit — but enough to get the job done.
Two reboots were enough to warrant the attention of Hollywood, who were throwing anyone and anything at an upcoming theatrical take of the popular musical 'Cats'. Old Bubs' managed to win a role in the film, staring alongside big names such as Taylor Swift and Idris Elba.
"When you've been through what I have, you think you've seen it all. But then there's Judi Dench lifting up her leg to flash her hairy mutt directly at the camera. I'm still not sure what was hanging out of there, but it was disgusting and I'll leave it at that." Said Bubsy.
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| Footage suggests Bubsy felt differently about Judi's minge. |
"All of these big Hollywood A-listers were in despair when the disastrous reviews came through, but for me they were the best I've ever received. I was friggin' stoked! My career is going gangbusters now after that exposure. I've already had a phone call from Steven Seagal and he wants me to star in one of his god-awful movies. What could possibly go wrong?"
Steven Seagal responded to our request for confirmation of the phone call to Bubsy.
"Yeah, I called him. I have an insanely dangerous stunt planned in my latest movie and that dumb ass was the only one stupid enough to agree and sign a contract waiving me of any responsibility. There's a very, very high chance of something going wrong. I can't wait to see how it unfolds."
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| Surprisingly, no fatalities reported on the set. (as of this writing) |
We urge our readers to learn from the great words of the one and only Bubsy the Bobcat. What could possibly go wrong? Plenty, apparently.
