Microsoft's once potential video game mascot was put down over the weekend, after no one could be bothered to pick up the trademark.
Blinx The Time Sweeper was conceptualized as a direct competitor to Mario, Sonic and Crash near the end of an era when mascots seemed necessary for video game companies. Unfortunately for Blinx, his character and games did not resonate with players — even after multiple attempts.
A disappointed Microsoft decided to ignore the IP until finally trying to end the trademark in 2014. However, a strange legal technicality meant that the company retained Blinx for a further five years, with the rights only expiring a week ago.
An elated Microsoft wasted no time, offering Blinx up for free adoption over the weekend. Unfortunately there weren't any takers, and he was promptly put down.
Microsoft's founder, Bill Gates was ecstatic to finally wipe his hands clean of the estranged feline.
"It just goes to show how fucking shit Blinx The Time Sweeper was as a mascot. The stupid cat possesses abilities to travel back in time, yet failed to do so when it could have easily saved his life. He was a good for nothing pussy, who wasted a ridiculous amount of finances and resources at Microsoft when we were still desperate during our early days in the dedicated gaming space."
 |
| Might be time to travel back in time, hey Blinx? |
"I would've had more success with Bubsy the Bobcat for Christ's sake. 'The first 4-D Action Game Ever'? The writing was on the wall from the start. I knew this was how Blinx was going to end, I just didn't imagine it would take 17 years. Well worth the wait though. *laughs*"
The euthanization was personally conducted by Bill 'Billy Goat' Gates at Microsoft's Redmond head office.
