With hype for Red Dead Redemption 2 nearing overdrive as release approaches, Gamestop is now giving away Wife-Beater Tank Tops to anyone who pre-orders the Alco Edition.
As we reported earlier in the year, the Alco Edition - A collectors pack entirely composed of extras to appeal directly to borderline suicidal alcoholics - has proven to be the number pre-order SKU of choice for Red Dead Redemption 2. Gamestop state they want to build on that momentum by offering an appropriate extra to entice fence-sitters into commiting to the game to help their crucial Q4 sales period.
"Gamestop is a sector of the video game market who's days are numbered thanks to puncy consumers pushing towards digital distribution, so we need to completely milk any big release to maximise our capital like a crack whore hanging out in the back alley of a night club. Our only way to trick people into shopping like it's 1999 in our 'Blockbuster-esque' brick and mortar stores, is to offer a bunch of pointless, physical shit tied to launching video games. Collectors editions are increasingly filled with garbage for just this reason."
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| The original 'Alco Edition' |
"Our market research suggests that the only people still dumb enough to fall for this trick are raging alcoholics and stupid kids, which is why Rockstar Games produced the Alco Edition for RDR 2. Response was phenomenal and we saw an opportunity to increase revenue by offering an additional pre-order bonus, hence the Wife-beater promotion."
"The Red Dead Redemption 2 branded Wife-Beater will appeal directly to alcoholics who envision themselves sinking in the couch and enjoying the perks of the Alco Edition while 'disciplining' their annoying family. Many children will also desire the bonus as it will remind them of their deadbeat father (and their own destiny) who happened to purchase them the game as they don't give a fuck about their well being. It's a wonderfully viscous circle of life that Gamestop loves to manipulate for our soulless capitalistic gains!" - Gamestop Press Release
After a few pints of tasty nectar, Era Error decided to visit our local EB Games to pre-order the Alco edition. We don't receive review copies from Publishers as we are deemed too retarded to write one so we were mighty eager to see what condition our Wife-Beater would be in. We were given a cum rag.
