Player Unknown's Battle Grounds developer Bluehole has made the drastic decision to close the servers for the once popular pioneer of Battle Royale, only a week after the launch of COD: BLOPS 4.
The decision was said to be made on the grounds of a decimated player base, which as of yesterday was an embarrassing 7 people. A large contrast to 900,000 users just a week before the release of Call Of Duty's latest installment, Black Ops 4.
"Unfortunately our glaring deficiencies allowed the new competition to capitulate our userbase to the point there's no reason to continue. We can't say we didn't see this coming, as users were brutally vocal on their intentions to leave the second a quality 'non-twelvie' alternative was available." – Bluehole CEO Hyo-Seob Kim.
"The exodus began the day BLOPS 4 was available for pre-load, when the player base fell to the equivalent of 2K's Evolve. Not long after, the arrogant prick Randy Pitchford called to humiliate us about PUBG dropping below Battleborn numbers. When a Lamborghini pulled up to our Korean office and the Ginger-Nut Jew Cliff Blezinski hurled abuse because we fell below Lawbreakers peak user base of 150 people, we knew we were fucked."
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| There's not much worse in life than Cliff Bleszenski laughing at you. |
"We were really hoping no one else would bother to make another military style battle royale game so we could continue delivering an inferior product and fail to launch updates without any repercussions. Now that our product is exposed, it's painfully obvious that we never had any idea what the fuck we were doing and just stumbled upon the gem of a game mode by accident."
"COD absolutely raped PUBG in almost every department and left us gasping for mercy. Our only opportunity is the single player campaign mode, but we cant even develop to the standard of Medal of Honor on PS1 yet."
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| Thousands of Chicken Dinners were disposed of due to the closure. |
Treyarch Chairman Mark Lamia jumped at the chance to comment on COD's new found Success:
"As you retards at Era Error reported earlier in the year, we panicked about Battle Royale and desperately released the unfinished piece of shit 'Battle-Royale-Fare' with little acclaim. Thanks to that experience, we learned that Bluehole were actually fucking terrible at developing games."
"With this information at hand, we embarked on a better quality product and delivered in spades. After updating our systems and engine, we re-branded to Black Ops 4 and not a single person noticed! Our launch was one of the best in series history and we are milking a shit ton of money from people! Mostly kids with Dad's credit card too – The sweetest kind of money. Suck shit Bluehole! You're all a bunch of talentless gimps who blew your chance! Thanks for the idea cunts. Go die now."
Call Of Duty found itself in turmoil after nearly a decade at the top of the gaming spectrum as quality slowly dissipated with each entry. While the Battle Royale genre rose to prominence, it was almost possible to feel empathy to Activision, as it appeared the mighty had finally fallen. After playing Black Ops 4, I can say with certainty that we can go back to hating the franchise and publisher again, as the game is actually awesome, and is set to build another large, obnoxious fan base.
Press F to pay respects to PUBG.
