Despite only releasing on Nintendo Switch yesterday, 2015's beloved Indie classic Crypt Of The NecroDancer has sold an astonishing 5 billion digital copies on launch day. The sheer amount of units sold not only breaks records on Nintendo platforms, but also the previous best selling game of all time - Tetris - by an astonishing 4.8 Billion sales! Although an anomaly, the unprecedented numbers could have a valid explanation.
The news has left the industry, its analysts, supporters and ourselves alike in a state of confusion. Sure, there are times when unknown titles break the mold and enter the mainstream due to revolutionary new ideas and features like Minecraft and Player Unknown's Battlegrounds did. However Crypt Of The NecroDancer doesn't quite fit that profile. It has existed for 3 years and already had its chance. Yes it is a great game that just re-released on thriving new hardware, but without any meaningful additions to the game itself, there must be more to the story.
As Era Error is not a respected publication and blacklisted by most entities, we don't have many avenues to venture through, which is why we decided to ask random people walking the street to see what they had to say:
EE: Have you heard of Crypt Of The NecroDancer, Mam?"
Person #1: You're a Necrophiliac and have sex with Mummified bodies in your basement? POLICE!!! Get this fucking sex offender away from me!!!!!"
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| This ugly bitch was in no position to be making wild accusations! |
EE: Alright, let's try another. You sir look like a stereotypical dickhead. Have you heard of the video game Crypt Of The NecroDancer?"
Person #2: Crypt-O? That fucks dead bodies? You're a fucked up cunt dude! I'm going to bash the fucking shit out of you!!!"
*After running away from the dazed maniac for 5 minutes we valiantly tried to interview a few more people*
EE: Sigh. Hi. Have you heard of the video game Crypt Of The NecroDancer that just released for Nintendo Switch?"
Person #3: Yeah I've heard of it. In fact I bought 6000 copies of it yesterday. I saw the letters C-R-Y-P-T-O in sequence together and I just fucking twitched and went for it! Apparently I'm going to be filthy rich in a couple of months! I also bought a Switch to use as the wallet to carry the NecroCrypt."
EE: You do know that Crypt Of The NecroDancer is not a Cryptocurrency but a 3 year old indie video game? Also the Switch is a video game console and not a Cryptowallet."
Person #3: Nah get fucked you dirty, scamming piece of shit! You're just trying to steal my money! Fuck off you Ugandan Prince. You do not know the way. Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!"
Strangely enough, the next 5 people we interviewed had also bought in an excess of 10,000 copies of the game each. All under the same assumption that it was a brand new Cryptocurrency purely due to the letters C-R-Y-P-T-O appearing together in sequence. Could this be the explanation for the unprecedented sales of the relatively unknown indie darling yesterday?
We gathered our acquired evidence and conducted some thorough searching of the internet - AKA googling and hoping some Twitter loser has information. (even if it's fabricated) Alas, after punching in NecroCrypt, we had our answer.
It appears that an online scammer has combined the two ridiculous worlds of Crypto Mining and Video Games together! The website - which is only viewable inside the ERRORverse - is tricking stupid, gullible assholes into thinking Crypt Of The NecroDancer is a brand new Cryptocurrency and that the Nintendo Switch is its accompanying Cryptowallet. The pre-sale which was available for 2 months had idiotic consumers pre-order 2 billion copies of the game presumably under the assumption that it is a pliable currency.
We left a small communication through the contact portal on the website stating that we knew it was a scam and to our surprise, we received a response from the owner:
NecroCrypt is like any CryptoCurrency and its value is purely stipulated by what people perceive its value to be. Many consumers think that this shit is real so to them it's incredibly valuable. All I know is that I've made a fuck ton of real money re-selling a shitty little indie game to morons and frankly I don't give a fuck if its worthless! Pray on weak, retarded fuckwits - That's what every other business does and I'm no different. One spastic even bought 500 million copies - Oh I mean NecroCrypt - for himself and I bet they couldn't be happier. What a dipshit!
We felt obliged to communicate with the scammed CryptoCuck and see what he had to say about the transaction. Luckily the NecroCrypt owner readily gave away their details as they already sold every clients information to third parties which were prominently available for everyone to see anyway.
EE: Why did you buy 500 million copies of Crypt Of The NecroDancer?
CryptoCuck: Because dude, I saw the letters C-R-Y-P-T-O! That's what you're supposed to do! You enter your credit card details into a dodgy web portal, and then you're rich! I check my Nintendo Switch Wallet every day. It still says I own 500 million copies of the game but it should moon any minute now and when it happens I'll be fucking pulling my pants down and showing my moon's asshole to random old people! NecroCrypt has held steady while all the other Crypto's like BitCoin and Etherium have fallen to shit and it's going to erupt baybeh!
EE: Are you really that much of a stupid Cuck? You've purchased 500 million copies of a fucking video game! It's not a currency. You were tricked into buying an old indie game 500 million times. It's price is not going to appreciate either as the game is digital only.
CryptoCuck: See, that's where you're wrong! The NecroCrypt Exchange sent me 500 million physical copies to prove their existence in the real world! See:
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| Geez, just look at this douche. |
CryptoCuck: ............ No. NO! NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! FUCK OFF!!!!!! GET FUCKED! This shit is fucking worthless. Worthless I tell you!!!!!!!! DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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| Molotov Cucktail. |
Little did the CryptoCuck know that by destroying his 500 million copies, the value of the game rose from 0.00000001 to 0.00000002 per copy. This is the perfect example of why people should always avoid dodgy currencies like NecroCrypt or Dogecoin and throw their entire livelihood's at the ever-reliable COSS like we did. What? COSS is still good. Right?
