COD: Battle Royale-Fare Announced

Seemingly out of ideas for its once unstoppable franchise, Activision has revealed a brand new Call Of Duty within its usual 1 year cycle. Welcome to Battle Royale-Fare.

It's unusual times for Call of Duty. After nearly a decade as the juggernaut of the gaming world, questionable design and marketing decisions along with a lack of fundamental changes created consumer fatigue and a harsh prejudice to the franchise. Evidence suggests the market has slowly pushed away from COD with each entry, but after the 3 most recent titles were widely received as steaming piles of shit, consumers began to exit en mass.

Errorian's didn't take kindly to Infinite Warfare.

As Head of Activision's Developer Relations Johnny Ellis explains, the company is trying to change perceptions of the COD Brand with a new formation of tactics, starting with the newly revealed Battle Royale-Fare.

"Consumers are being little salty bitches as of late and are giving the Call Of Duty franchise a tough time which is extremely unfair. It's also extremely difficult for this organisation to comprehend why this attitude arose as we've literally had fuck all to do for a decade!"

"Normally after each release, employees of our developers would collectively decide to just get the same single programmer to make extremely minor adjustments to the engine, art and design. That way we can keep releasing the same game and focus our marketing on those small additions. Remarkably, that would be enough effort for millions of dumb cunts to keep buying the game. We stole that idea from EA Sports and we can't thank them enough!"

Programmer #1 (like all Programmers) is socially retarded and constantly taken advantage of.

"Unfortunately the programmer started smoking crack to combat the stress of the crunch, and the new features started to get a little crazy, beginning with Advanced Warfare. The programmer (who I couldn't even be bothered to ever ask for his name) decided to invite Kevin Spacey to the office for inclusion. Even before the accusations of his pedophilia it was already pretty obvious, as he demanded 3 infants on site at all times. I can't tell you what he did during that pediod due to an NDA, but believe me it was FUCKED!!"

"Infinite Warfare continued the decline and Kevin Spacey was again responsible. He coined the idea of the space aesthetic during production as it would appeal directly to pre-pubescent children. At this point the programmer had no rationale left and we had all forgotten how to develop so we just rolled with it. To no surprise, it bombed hard. Several of Activision's goon's arrived at our offices and threatened us with terminations if we didn't pick up our profit margins and for the first time since 2007, someone had to actually do something."

Kevin Spacey between shooting scenes for Advanced Warfare.

"So we framed the programmer as a crack dealer to the police for a laugh and got to work. We had no clue how to come up with original ideas any more, and we sure as hell weren't going to start now. Our biggest competitor DICE had just revolutionalised the Battlefield franchise by targeting the first world war for the first time which triggered our epiphany. "You know what? We're going to hit fucking World War 2 again because we have nothing else! Plus we'll add some shitty loot boxes as that's what everyone else is doing!" And that's exactly what we did."

"To no surprise COD: WW2 was a disaster and we now find ourselves at our last resort. Any franchise at Activision is destined to eventually be sacrificed to Capitalism Heaven, just like Tony Hawk and Guitar Hero were. You'd be kidding yourself if you thought Call Of Duty would be any different. Now that we're totally out of ideas we have no choice but to start blatantly copying the competition. The biggest genre right now? Battle Royale!"

Absolutely 'not' a screenshot of PUBG

"We didn't need a marketing genius to figure out PUBG and Fortnite are two of the biggest games right now and it's only natural that the filthy conglomerates at Activision take a slice of the pie. We had to act quick and beat those cunts at EA to the mantle, so we skipped our traditional 1 year cycle and will be throwing this digital only release into the wild after only 6 months of development! 2 years is over-rated, Tony Hawk 5 only needed 6 months and look how fucking sick that game turned out!"

"As we only had 6 months to develop Call Of Duty: Battle Royale-Fare, we didn't even try to be creative. Many people will buy anything if it's related to something that's trending, so we feel confident we can trick a few million morons with this game. It doesn't feature anything unique at all and every single asset is recycled from previous COD titles (Including Kevin Spacey unfortunately). To describe Royale-Fare, please refer to the edited PUBG summary below:"

Player Unknown's BattleGrounds Call Of Duty: Battle Royale-Fare

Our BATTLE ROYALE game-mode will put up to 100 players on a remote island for a winner-takes-all showdown where strategic gameplay is as important as shooting skills.
Players will enter a last-man-standing battle where they try to locate weapons, vehicles and supplies in a graphically and tactically rich battleground that eventually forces players into a shrinking play zone as they engage in a tense and spectacular fight to the death. 

It's also way better than that fucking shit BattleGrounds game! Fortnite is also for gaping pussys!

Due to contractual obligations, Activision had to include Spacey in Battle Royale-Fare.

Call Of Duty: Battle Royale-Fare releases on every single machine Activision could think of on February 14 as they know their entire market consists of dateless losers. I personally can't wait to pick this one up on launch day!