A recently released report suggests that video game graphics may finally reach a level first plagiarised by EA Sports in their Madden NFL E3 2005 'Next Gen' trailer by the year 2022. A high end Technical Engineer turned Professor was at the helm of the study, with his findings suggesting that EA should be held responsible for their gross doctoring of graphical fidelity in media showcasing their video games.
We've spliced all the interesting information in the report from Professor Rick Graphs for you to digest below:
After examinations into the growth of technology and education in graphical industries, we can say with 100% certainty that video game graphics will finally reach the seemingly impossible threshold laughably suggested as possible by EA Sports with their media for Madden NFL 2006 during E3 05' by the end of the year 2022.
We've been told by several politicians and News corporations that this report was a severely pointless waste of money, but let me assure everyone that the $80 million in funding that was siphoned from the University's allocation for R&D was absolutely necessary.
You see, I feel justice needs to be served. I was one of many college kids duped by EA Sports when we saw that magical E3 trailer showcasing Madden 06' supposedly in-engine and running natively on Xbox 360 hardware. I just couldn't fucking believe what I saw. The detail exhibited was insane and shouldn't have been possible. Little did I know at the time that I was fucking right! EA had me hook, line and sinker. That same day of E3 I went to my local Best Buy and paid $7000 for a gloriously blurry 42 inch Plasma panel (for the fluidity) so I was ready to experience Madden's in all of its glory. On release day I immediately went to a Gamestop and ripped myself off, paying an exorbitant fee for the game. It was the closest store to me and I was just so desperate to play the magical football simulator of the future as I sucked balls in real life.
I slammed the disc in the 360's puss-slot and the console Red Ringed Of Death'd (RROD) on me so I went back to the store and bought another 3. After going through two more Xbox 360's I finally manged to get my last one working for long enough. I skipped through the menu to launch a quick-match playing as the most retarded teams. The loading scene seemed to take an eternity but I managed to make it through somehow and the game booted up. Initially I was confused as the graphics seemed to look like a merely upscaled last-gen port. 'Maybe they accidentally shipped with the wrong engine on the disc?' I pondered to myself. After playing for 30 minutes reality set in. Those EA cunts fucking tricked me! I couldn't fucking believe that a horrible corporate company known for its anti-consumer policies would shit all over me like that. They lied to the world, plagiarised their work and faced zero repercussions for it. This was when I had my epiphany and discovered the meaning of my life - To get revenge on EA Sports.
I immediately changed my studies at College from a loser Art Degree to Technical Engineering and I studied intensely for years. After graduating I continued to study in my own time until I was hired into my dream job as a University Professor. This was when I started to siphon money from the Uni towards my 'critical report' into the future of video game graphics. I now have enough information to sue the fuck out of EA and prove that the graphics in that notorious E3 trailer were not possible at the time. Hell the study proves that such a feat won't be realistically capable until 2022 for Christ's sake!
I've correlated all of the data from the report and I'm about to hire several high-end lawyers (where most of that $80million US funding will be going towards) to create a class-action lawsuit against those EA Cunts. I'm not just getting revenge for myself, but I'll be redeeming anyone who was duped by these assholes. They're finally going to be held accountable with real life repercussions and not some little faggety boycott by some gamers which will just temporarily halt some of their features. I'm taking these fuckers down once and for all!
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| What was promised. |
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| What was delivered. We're pretty sure. |
To gain a different perspective on the history of the Madden 05 E3 Trailer, we notified a representative of EA of the impending lawsuit coming their way and received this response:
We are absolutely shocked to hear about the potentially impending lawsuit against EA regarding our Madden NFL E3 2005 trailer. While we were developing the game in-house, we actually had the game running at that level of fidelity. Unfortunately at the very last minute before printing the disc, we ran into a game-breaking error that could not be remedied in time. Not even to this day in fact. We had to scrap the entire game engine and just make a couple of small changes to the old existing one instead. You all should just be fucking thankful that you received a game at all with any changes made to the source code. If it were up to me, you peasants would just receive the exact same game every year for full price with no modifications, so maybe you should shut the fuck up. We almost got away with it on our late entry FIFA titles on the PS2/Wii systems but were caught out and had to update the rosters and kit designs to appease people, but that was it. Don't think we won't try and pull this shit again you fucks!
Anyone that speaks out against the superior being that is Electronic Arts will face harsh disciplinary action. Punishments will be severe for the University Professor responsible for the report and they'll be enforced long before he'll even make it to his Lawyers offices. Mark my words.
The statement from EA came to Era Error's inbox with a Madden NFL 2019 screenshot which they claimed to be from a next-gen engine developed for the Xbox One X.
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| Definitely not a screenshot of real Television coverage. |
UPDATE: Uni Professor Rick Graphs was found dead and splattered all over his apartment building this morning and any evidence of his report have since vanished from the University's servers. Sergent Qwikscope is on the case but has recently stated in a press conference that he's absolutely stumped and has no idea who could possibly be the culprit as there seems to be no clues or motive. He is now suggesting suicide. Here is a photo of the crime scene:
We definitely agree with Sergent Qwikskope. There appears to be no clues whatsoever. Definitely a suicide!
