An incredibly annoying EB Games (Gamestop) worker who strangely worshiped his evil corporate overlords has finally been on the receiving end from a frustrated customer. The brutal beating towards EB Games attendant Charlie Brown-Nose was said to be inevitably apparent since his employment and occurred during one of his self proclaimed trademark 'Sell-bot' transactions with a patron. Brown-Nose was expecting an array of sympathy from co-workers, corporate and law-enforcement after the incident, but it was instead met with mass celebration, as everyone seemed to be sick of his shit and felt relieved of his annihilation.
A witness of the encounter, details the happenings with precision:
I was standing in line at my local EB wondering what the fuck I was doing inside as there were plenty of far better & cheaper options in the same mall, when I noticed a fellow patron in front of me growing increasingly frustrated at the EB clerks antics.
The bulky Caucasian man who appeared to be in his 40's, was just trying to purchase a copy of the standard edition of Destiny 2 on PS4 for his teenage son as a Christmas present. However, during his transaction with Charlie 'Sell-bot' Brown-nose, he was unable to complete the purchase as he was constantly harassed into several up-sells.
EB Clerk: Your son would be so much happier with the Deluxe edition of the game. Would you like to upgrade to avoid disappointment from your child?
Patron: No thanks, I'm perfectly happy with the version of the game I'm trying to purchase.
EB Clerk: Well how about the standard edition with the season pass? Your son is going to be a fucking loser if you only purchase the game by itself. There's practically no content.
Patron: No thank you. I just want to buy this game please and get out of this hell hole.
EB Clerk: Honestly, I'd recommend pre-ordering at least one of the DLC add ons. Your son is going to think his Dad is a massive homo and fucking a bunch of dudes if this is all you buy him for Christmas.
Patron: I am in fact a homosexual. You are testing my patience. Will you please just let me purchase the god-damn game!?
EB Clerk: Ok sir, no problem. Would you like insurance on the game in case the disc is scratched?
Patron: No! I fucking don't! Let me buy the game for fucks sake!!
EB Clerk: Alrighty! Would you like to become an EB Edge card member? Lot's of great deals and...
Patron: NO! Listen cunt. There's a lineup out the door of frustrated customers just trying to get their shopping done and get the fuck out of here. Let me buy this game and move on out of here!
EB Clerk: I understand sir. Another thing I'd like to point out is that the PS4 Pro console is on sale and is a tremendous upgrade which I'm sure your future homosexual son would love to unwrap under the tree.
Patron: I'm going to jump over the counter and rip out your spine from your asshole if you don't fuck up and give me the god damn game fagget!!!!
EB Clerk: Of course. Would you like to add a $5 donation to your transaction to help the horrific suffering and starvation of neglected kids in Afric...
It was at this point the man finally snapped and picked up the 16 year old boy by the throat and threw him into the shelves, causing a massive amount of damage to the child and the store. Not content with the infliction of pain on EB Clerk Charlie Brown-Nose, the customer then called in a Giant Enemy Crab from Genji which was based on actual Japanese history, to attack the teenage EB Clerk at his weak point to cause massive damage. The real time weapon change was highly effective and devastated Brown-Nose by cutting his body in half with its claws. The move was met with a large applause from people (including his co-workers) as everyone was sick to death of Charlie's annoying antics of mercilessly selling anything and everything, with the general consensus that he deserved to die.
 |
| No Gimmicks. US$599 at launch. |
---
To the dismay of many, Charlie Brown-Nose managed to survive his infliction's, albeit missing his entire lower body. We invited Charlie to our office for an interview to hear his side of the story:
All I did was follow company policy. The corporate end of EB Games instructs us to be intrusive to customers and push on further purchases of products and services during the transaction. I became so good at pissing people off and tricking them into throwing away more money than intended, that I coined myself as the 'Sell-bot'. EB corporate was blown away with my ability to create revenue from nothing, and they created a pathway to promotion for me into their sector. Apparently some guy they called the 'Gamer God' has also short listed me as a possible member of some cult that worships money, which is really paying dividends for my career and opening avenues. If I raise enough money with my tactics, we're going to take over the world and enslave consumers into horrible camps where we'll torture and...
 |
| Boom. Head-Shot!!!!! |
It's a Christmas miracle! It appears that the gods from above have euthanised that annoying fuck EB clerk! The holiday season has been saved.
 |
| Don't double-cross the Gamer God. |
 worker who strangely worshiped his evil corporate overlords has finally been on the receiving ...){kind=link}