Fresh off it's dismemberment of Visceral Games, EA has pledged it's allegiance to the gamer god, vowing to claim and destroy yet another prominent games developer. Following the acquisition of Respawn Entertainment, EA's masked spokeperson made the following statement:
The great time has just begun, EA has awoken. We have won power in the gaming industry, now we have to win over the gaming community! What we dreamed for years has become a reality. The unification of all classes of the gaming community has become the symbol of the new era. A new order is being built in the community, and it is our most beautiful goal and aim. Those who cannot see past lootboxes and microtransactions deserve our pity more than anything else. We will not rest until the developer plague has been removed from the fabric of our communty. In 30 years we have accomplished amazing goals, through our will, through our hard work, and through our talent. EA Publishers, get to work! Long live the EA movement! Long live the gaming industry!
Following disappointing sales figures for Titanfall 2, it seems fitting for EA to step in under the guise of helping out a small studio, with the clear intention of shutting it down a few years later. CEO of Respawn Entertainment Vince Zampella made a statement of his own, in an attempt to clarify EA's obscure press release.
We here at Respawn Entertainment believe that a partnership with EA will be better for us in the long run. To resist this industry Juggernaut would be a form of prolonged career suicide. We urge any other developer not currently in talks with EA to begin negotiations immediately. Everyone needs to be prepared for what is to come. EA have already downloaded the schematics for our titans to their servers and plan to make them a reality. Resistence will not be tolerated, and EA cannot be stopped. The only choice we have is to join them in an attempt to survive. Please make sure you all purchase Titanfall 3 when it releases in the near future, and buy as many loot boxes as you can. It's the only way Respawn will be allowed to continue to exist.
EA's Titans may bring forward an impending apocalypse, but you have to admit, they are pretty cool!
The team at Era Error would like to express our excitement for the collaboration of these two awesome companies. Having real life titans walking the earth sounds like it would be really cool! Hopefully you can get one with the Special Limited Ultimate Gold Legendary Remastered Enhanced Collectors Edition! I'm going to go pre-order that bucket of shit right now! Fuck yeah! Can't wait to buy those stupid fucken loot boxes and hopefully the games run on a pay to win system because I usually buy the game and then I spend another $200 on pathetic in game content and then pwn all the little pov fgts who can't handle the punishment they recieve when their parents find out that their credit card has been maxed out by their dissapointment of a child who, unbeknownst to them, hasn't been to school for the last 2 weeks and has instead been wasting their meaningless life on ranking up in Call Of Duty:We're absolutely out of fucking ideas 2 in his mum's basement.
I also hope that the games get fragmented into 3 seperate expansions because I really fucken hate it when you buy a full priced AAA game and they actually give you a full game. Fuck that! Make it like Destiny where you buy the game and then get dissapointed that you wasted your money on a game that isn't even a game until you wait 3 months for the first expansion to come out, so you buy the season pass which comes with a free slice of existential dread, play the shit out of it for 200 hours, complain about the end game after you wasted 2 months of your life on it, and then uninstall the game just before the last expansion! That's how I like my gaming. Fuck Nintendo and their finished, polished, and innovative masterpieces. Give me that watered down half arsed dog shit that I crave so badly!
All hail EA!!!
I also hope that the games get fragmented into 3 seperate expansions because I really fucken hate it when you buy a full priced AAA game and they actually give you a full game. Fuck that! Make it like Destiny where you buy the game and then get dissapointed that you wasted your money on a game that isn't even a game until you wait 3 months for the first expansion to come out, so you buy the season pass which comes with a free slice of existential dread, play the shit out of it for 200 hours, complain about the end game after you wasted 2 months of your life on it, and then uninstall the game just before the last expansion! That's how I like my gaming. Fuck Nintendo and their finished, polished, and innovative masterpieces. Give me that watered down half arsed dog shit that I crave so badly!
All hail EA!!!
