EA Closes Visceral As Upcoming Star Wars Title "Too Fun & Impressive"

In a move that has the gaming community reeling, EA has announced the closing of one of it's most respected studios, Visceral games. The studio - most accredited for developing the atmospheric and engrossingly original horror game series Dead Space - has been notified their dissolving was due to their latest Star Wars game In development simply looking too fun and impressive, with no clear place to add loot boxes, DLC and microtransactions.

The news of the closure is a reminder of what EA are notorious for - being the worst company in America, an accolade that has been awarded multiple times through online consumer polls. On receiving the title for two years in a row, Peter Moore (an executive of EA) had this to say:

"Yes, (being named Worst Company in America) was ridiculous," Moore said. "And this was also the time of sub-prime mortgage crisis; banks are dumping hundreds of thousands of people out onto the street. You try and be defensive and say this is stupid, this is ridiculous; and then you go, 'Maybe there's a kernel of truth here.' Maybe this is a moment we can step back, look in the mirror, look at who we are, look at how we're perceived, and figure out what we need to do to do something about it."

Peter Moore - 2015

Since EA was endowed with this great honour and a golden turd statue, the company made efforts to improve its public image, and even formed a team of people to monitor attitudes towards the company over internet sites and social media. However, the team's efforts showed that it was, in fact, the customers who were at fault. A team member responsible for observing Ea's online popularity had this to say to Era Error:

"We carefully observed the online community over many months to see how the company was perceived. It led us to conclude that our most profitable fans are dead shits who spend bucket loads of money on a virtual FIFA card game. The Star Wars game In development simply looked too fun and impressive, with no clear place to add loot boxes, DLC and microtransactions. Why would we bother making quality titles when we can't squeeze our fans dry of all their cash."

The statement seems to conflict with EA's earlier promise to stop being shit cunts. To most people this comes as little surprise, but what seems interesting is that EA places the blame squarely on gamers:

"You lot put your money where your mouth is. You actin' all surprised now? What the fuck."